Stuyvesant Town wants to shower its luxury residents with fabulous gifts for participating in their inmate tenant referral program!
Here’s how the program works! If you refer someone who signs a lease, each of you will receive a $75 gift certificate to the local PETLAND DISCOUNTS so you can purchase a sick animal for your swank, new apartment! For every three newly signed leases you refer by August 31, 2008, you’ll not only receive that dead parrot, you’ll receive a choice of one of the following:
• Five $2 gift cards to BARGAIN BIZARRE on 14th Street.
• A free VHS rental from BLOCKBUSTER.
• A delicious Açaí Berry smoothie from BRUNO RAVIOLI.
In order to be eligible, your soon-to-be ex friends must include your name and address on the registration form when they sign their financial security away. Start earning your rewards today!
Call 888.231.8690 for more details.
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Monday, June 23, 2008
Stuyvesant Town Tenant Referral Program
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4 comments:
As an added incentive, TishSpy will help you enroll in the Federal Witness Protection Program as soon as your (by then ex)friends discover that they have signed away their financial security for the luxury of living in The Most Expensive Project in America!
HELL-LO???!!!??? When are these fools going to realize that if this was such a great luxury complex to live in, our friends would already be renting here. Wish they would quit wasting money and printing crap. Really boils my blood and it's bad for the environment...but then again, I appreciate a good laugh anyday and I laughed REAL hard the first time I found that card wedged in my front door.
Alas! A rent so steep that leaves us but little above the level of dire want has prevented us from maintaining our Stuy Town abode in pristine splendour; the falling plaster of the walls, the overgrown vegetation in the bathroom, as well as the sagging floors, the moth-eaten couches, and the faded tapestries within, all tell a gloomy tale of fallen grandeur. Such foolishness Gentle Giants! Who amongst our friends and acquaintances would wish this same calamity to befall them?!
Tenants who refer and new residents will each receive a $5 Amazon discount certificate to purchase Tish-Spy’s update of Jacob Riis’s 1890 publication How the Other Half Lives. The 2008 edition of the pioneering photojournalist’s publication includes a new section on the filth, vermin, exploitation, and overcrowding that characterizes the hip, cool 21st century Stuy Town lifestyle. “We want our residents to know that the more things change, the more they stay the same here on the Lower East Side,” said Stuy Town leasing agent Chuck Dickens.
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