An article published in The New York Times today reveals that Tishman-Speyer, the property management company responsible for slowly running Stuyvesant Town into the ground, purchased the complex because it sits on oil-rich land.
Residents have long wondered what the haphazard fences and scaffolding have been hiding the past few weeks that is until this morning when they were taken down to reveal dozens of huge nodding donkeys.
“I can’t believe my eyes,” one resident told us in shock. “What next, a nuclear reactor? Oh, I shouldn’t give them any ideas!”
After several unreturned phone calls, a Tish-Spy representative fired off an email stating, “It’s obvious we have no interest in maintaining the buildings or the property. Is anybody really surprised?”
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Tish-Spy Strikes Black Gold
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3 comments:
Love your site. Makes my day every time I check it. Thank you for not just bringing these issues to light, but doing it in such a creative way. Next time I see a worker using a leaf-blower outside my window for 2 hours I'm definitely grabbing the video camera.
Well, at least that explains what the brown mystery liquid is that constantly flows out of the taps.
Dateline: New Houston, New York, January 20, 2013
J.R. Speyer was sworn in today as the 45th President of the United States. Breaking with tradition, President Speyer took the oath of office in New Houston at the site of the former Stuyvesant Town/Peter Cooper Village luxury housing projects. The site has yielded a gazillion barrels since 2008 when a rich oil field was discovered by Con Ed employees who were sampling for potential residues from the manufactured gas plants that occupied the site until the 1940s. In his inaugural address, the new President said that the 2008 discovery enabled the United States to end its dependence on foreign oil. “Now the country must depend on me!” he chuckled.
The President promised to address the issue of middle-class homelessness during his second or third term, noting “I don’t think it’s a real issue after all; look at the vacancy rates we experienced in StuyTown before it was demolished.”
In a related development, the price of oil jumped to $5,000 a barrel on the US Commodities market, while the price of gasoline is now $50 a half gallon.
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