Residents Let it Rip with New Tell-All Poll

With all of the recent changes made in Stuyvesant Town, Tish-Spy wants to know exactly what their tenants think of living so luxuriously and a new poll shows they aren’t so happy.

Things got off to a bad start when, instead of sending the poll to tenants via email or snail mail, maintenance men knocked on tenants doors around 5AM two weeks ago delivering the document by hand.

When asked about the new policy that allows residents to own dogs, 94% of people polled had no problem with the pets. Oddly enough it was the influx of children that annoyed most tenants. Writing comments like “They’re only cute to you,” and “Who needs an alarm when there is a terror tot next door,” tenants are clearly unhappy with the new über breeders.

When asked about the new intercom system tenants were again displeased. “My husband doesn’t know how to work the Hal2000 and it drives me nuts” complained one tenant. Another stated, “I need another bad photo of myself like I need a hole in the head!”

To little surprise the biggest complaint was the never-ending landscaping debacle. “By the time I walk from my apartment in the Oval to First Avenue, I am green,” vented one tenant clearly unhappy with the increase of pollen.

Another complained that her apartment is overrun with ants, bees, hornets, wasps, centipedes, beetles, mosquitoes, ladybugs, aphids, spiders, earthworms, caterpillars, silverfish, fireflies, dragonflies, tsetse flies, bed bugs, deer ticks, elk and black bears.

And yet another said a crane swung a tree into her kitchen window. “I was terrified! I thought my Chia Pet went on a rampage!”