Lux Living would like to introduce “Life on the Inside,” a new series that lets poor, unprivileged outsiders peer in the elite, glamorous lives of Stuyvesant Town’s residents as portrayed on their new, malfunctioning website! This week we meet retired dental technician, Edna Von Blahchten.
Edna discovered that by installing Stuyvesant Town’s genius pressurized walls every four to six feet that entire suites of bedrooms, entertainment spaces, libraries and servants quarters can be easily added to a typical one bedroom apartment.
"This is a dream come true," she exclaims. "I was never able to see my grandchildren, but thanks to Stuyvesant Town's cutting edge approach to architecture, not only are we able to simply stack all nine of the little buggers in the former linen closet but they also have a playroom and a Dora the Explorer themed media lounge all in the space that was once the hallway between my bedroom and the bathroom!"
Stuy Town’s brilliant pressurized walls mean Edna’s husband now has the ability to move his busy podiatry practice with its staff of five into the dining area of their one bedroom unit. "Thanks to these LEGO walls we now have the room,” says Arnold. “I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have my own mansion in the sky in Manhattan!"
Stuyvesant Town representative Gina Marie Skeevotz aptly states, "Why spend untold millions on rambling pre-war aeries in The Dakota or on Park Avenue when for the same money you can live in made-to-order pressurized heaven right here?”
“The San Remo may be steeped in history and full of architectural detail,” she rambles, “but do they have 24/7 access to a CVS, Duane Reade, Walgreens or Rite-Aide? I think not! Our residents can sleep well knowing that they can get a diet Coke, a Tickle Me Elmo, a lawn ornament and a douche at 3AM… Stuyvesant Town has redefined luxury, babe!"
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Stuy Town: Life on the Inside
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4 comments:
The photos on the 4 new "entertainment sections of 6, 12, 5 & 11 Oval appear to be only young people 20-25 (many Asians), we don't have any living here. Where are we seniors to go. Guess these pods aren't for anyone over 25 and don't know how safe these structures will be as they're being held up by wood planks. Could be life threatening!
love the asterisk on the tish spy web site that says, "prices subject to change". no kidding!
In the "virtual rendition" of the new Bar/TV Room, can anyone figure out the symbolism of having the flat screen TV showing Frank Sinatra shooting heroin in "Man With The Golden Arm" ?? I found it amusing since it would be cheaper to be a junkie than pay these rents !
I had some time on my hands, so after reading the article, I decided to look at their "website"! It must be malfunctioning. This is horse shit! None of the "photos" or any of the "descriptions" did Stuy Town any justice. From the many craters that follow their yello and brown lawns to the fence line that is more heavily protected than Guantanamo Bay. None of it is illustrated on their malfuntioning website! Complete horse shit! I want out!
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